The Black Cloud

2019 has not been pleasant so far. The first week of January Bill Cummins Sr. suffered from a perforation of his colon. He underwent surgery, the hole in the colon was repaired, and he worked hard and got well. He disliked it but got even stronger on the skilled unit at the Lutheran Home.  24 hours or less after discharge Bill was readmitted with a fever. He had pneumonia and spent several more days in the hospital. That was January. We took turns as a family sitting with Bill, encouraging him, and making sure he was getting the best of care.

In February Nancy, Steve's mom suffered a fall from her wheelchair. She did not complain but 2 weeks later her leg was swollen and upon further exam it was determined she had likely broken her hip in that fall. Plus she had blood clots in her leg making her a high risk surgical candidate. Family agreed at that time there would be no heroics offered. Nancy has had Alzheimers for many years and did not know us anymore. No more suffering. Instead she was given pain medication and made comfortable at Clarissa Cook Hospice House. She passed away about 2 weeks later. Bill was well enough to visit once before he suffered another health issue.

This time it was a GI bleed requiring 4 units of blood.  The gastroscopy revealed he had many, many ulcerations of the stomach--some of the worst the doctor has seen. Biopsies were taken and eventually the pathology report revealed he had lymphoma. He was in the hospital with this episode of illness when Nancy died. After lengthy discussions Bill stated he "just wanted to drift away". He wanted no treatment for the new found cancer. Family determined to admit him to hospice. Arrangements were made to have Dad in Mom's same room at hospice. So, less than 24 hours later, Bill was admitted to Nancy's same room at Clarissa Cook Hospice. We thought we would have time. more time. 12 days after Nancy died, Bill died.

It felt like the entire month of March we had a black cloud hanging over 42 Birchwood Dr, Blue Grass, IA. The Thursday after returning from bereavement for Bill's passing, Monica my sister-in-law died unexpectedly. She had been treated with radiation in 2018 for a cancerous nodule in her neck. She had made so much improvement by Christmas and they even found her CT scan to be free of cancer in February 2019. It just did not make sense. More sadness. Another funeral. Only this one was different watching those who I love suffer from a loss we had not expected or potentially planned for. She has 3 kids still at home. This was much different. She was 50.

If three deaths was not enough we had other items failing in the background. All three vehicles were serviced and 2 of the three had repeat visits for issues! Major dollars which made our suffering seem heightened. Its hard to go without one vehicle even for one day. Our family has so many moving parts.

The morning after Monica's funeral Steve was called off, no work. We determined he would take Xavier to school and I would stay home and get caught up on some things and then go to my parents to do a few things funeral related. He noticed he had a nail in a tire and said he would go and have that fixed since he had time. Great idea. Of course, the tire could not be fixed. We must still have a sliver of the black cloud still above our house. A new tire was needed.

Upon my return from Donahue I received a phone call from Steve. "Could you stop and buy a new mailbox and post from Farm & Fleet?" In my mind I wondered why today he felt he needed to replace the wiggly mailbox. It was only leaning a little bit. Reluctant I said, I was not feeling like stopping at Farm & Fleet. "Well, there is something I should tell you before you come home." Whats up I replied.... "I burnt the mailbox down." YOU WHAT? "I burnt the mailbox down!" How..."I was using the grill lighter to burn some dead leaves and brush around the mailbox...the fire was out...I went inside the house..."

"It wasn't until the mail lady pulled into the driveway and laid on the horn and said YOUR MAILBOX IS ON FIRE! that I knew it was burning....I could not figure out why she was honking, it was not like her!"

Yes, we needed a new mailbox.

Nancy Cummins Eulogy by Stan Oxendine March 1, 2019

62 years of marriage, 6 children, 21 grandchildren, 19 great grandchildren and millions of memories later, Nancy Cummins tragically left us after her long fight with Alzheimer’s. The woman who championed family above all else, spent her final moments surrounded by all those who loved her, and if you knew my grandma there’s nothing she would’ve wanted more. And she would be so happy knowing were here in the church she called home, celebrating her life.

For those who do not know me, I am Stan Oxendine, grandson of Nancy, son of Mary. When asked to do this, I couldn’t think of a better way to honor the woman that largely made me the man I am today.

As I began to brainstorm what it was I was going to say today, I had to decide what grandma I’d be speaking about today, the Nancy of decades past that could light up the room with her charisma and affinity of boxed wine and from what I learned last night her ability to be the life of a 70th birthday party, leaving a lasting impression on all those she met, or the Nancy of recent memory, who was reserved, yet curious, however she remained a fighter, strong as one could be.

With Alzheimer’s you so often here about how tough it is to watch your loved one endure its course, because it’s like losing them twice, however I’ve chose to think of it as getting to know and love two different Nancy’s that were uniquely amazing in their own respective ways. There’s the Nancy that many of us in this room know from many years, but then there’s Nancy that us family got to know over the course of the past few years. A Nancy that quietly displayed her true self and untold strength. She became this person that showed her true being at all time without a semblance of social pretext, while fighting this disease with every ounce of her being, and it was an honor to know that Nancy, and I realized that I’d doing my grandma an injustice not to honor both chapters in her life.

From the time Bill and Nancy first met in 1955 playing hooky from school, to where we find ourselves today; those two built a family and legacy from the ground up, and the foundation of where we find ourselves today I believe is based on one thing: unconditional love. Nancy truly loved her family unconditionally, no matter the circumstance, or mistakes that her children or grandchildren made, she was by your side without judgement. She was there for us when we needed her, and we were there for when she needed us the most, by her side as life’s journey came to an end. The value of being a loving wife, mother, grandmother, aunt was not only priceless, but the core of her very being, and she would be so proud of her family to come together the way we have in the times we needed it most. She lived to make our lives better, for us to make her proud.

As life’s journey carries on for all of us, there will be times in which we need her judgement-free unconditional love and advice, an arm to cry on, or just a hug from the woman who was always there, however I hope that we can now turn to each other to find the pieces of herself that she left in each one of us. That’s where Nancy’s legacy truly lies, in each one of us. Honoring her would be relying on each other and being there for each other, the way she was for us. Nancy isn’t as far away as many of you think, she’s right here in all of us. Her compassion lies within all of us.

Thank you so much grandma for your endless humor, wisdom, unconditional love, but most importantly always being for yourself, until your final breath. You showed me what strength truly is. Words really cannot express how thankful we are for what you’ve done for us. We love you, grandma. Until we meet again.

Stan Oxendine
March 1, 2019

O Captain! My Captain! William Cummins Eulogy by Jeff Cummin

How do you say goodbye to one of the strongest men you will ever know?

Last night, my grandpa passed away in the same room his wife of over 60 years passed in just twelve days prior to joining her in heaven. For my grandma, I will always remember love and laughter. For my grandpa, I will always remember strength. I will always remember how he quit smoking damn near cold turkey and inspired many more to do the same. My grandpa was a veteran, a natural fighter and he showed that right to the very end. Not many people get to choose when they leave this world after living a full life, but he did. Last night he laid down his sword and walked with death as an equal as he went to reunite with the love of his life.

I am fortunate to have so many memories with my grandparents. All the times I spent in their houseboat helped foster a love of the water in me. I will always remember his ability to craft wood. It was not a skill I inherited, but I will carry the memories of him, my dad and my uncles working on stuff in the garage. In my memory, I can still picture some of his belongings so clearly. His desk. His globe. His pen. His belt buckle Whenever I saw my grandpa, no matter how old I truly was, I was the kid in this picture. Always watching and learning how to act, to carry me in life, to be strong. No amount of lessons would have ever been enough, but I was lucky for the ones that I had.

My grandpa had a way of letting you know how proud of you he was and how much he loved you without ever opening his mouth. The message was conveyed loud and clear through his eyes and his smirk. I am proud to have his blood flow through me. I will always have the privilege of sharing my birthday with my grandparents' wedding anniversary. In a little over a month I will turn 32, and for that birthday and all that follow, I will be reminded of how far their love has spread and the generations that it created and will create.

How do you say goodbye to one of the strongest men you will ever know?

You don't. You carry them in your hearts forever.

O Captain! My Captain!

Jeff Cummins

March 10, 2019